| For most of us, especially women, the simple | | | | hearts could not sympathize with a |
| act of watching a romantic movie can change | | | | character's plight? |
| our mood. Especially if the movie is well | | | | |
| crafted, with an attractive and appealing | | | | But do remember that the creators of these |
| leading man and leading woman. (By the way, | | | | fictions are not just attending to soul |
| for most women viewers, the female star is | | | | truths but also to the anticipated box-office |
| infinitely more important than the male.) | | | | reaction and the bestsellers' list. In other |
| | | | words, making money and winning awards are |
| If the acting and the story are strong, and | | | | what motivate them more than what happens to |
| the actors appealing, the film creates an | | | | your love life after viewing their art. |
| effect on us, even if we are not consciously | | | | |
| aware of it. This effect can last for months, | | | | When a negative emotion clings to you from |
| years, and even decades. In fact, the movies | | | | outside your life and you bring it inside |
| you watch become a powerful part of your | | | | your heart, you can sour a good relationship |
| "mental diet" because they involve sight, | | | | that has been beneficial to you. And spoil |
| sound, and emotion. This trio influences how | | | | your perspective on a partner who is good for |
| you think and feel, and quietly, the | | | | you. |
| decisions you make. | | | | |
| | | | -What This Means To You If You're Single- |
| Your mental diet has as much effect on your | | | | |
| love life as advertising for food products | | | | If you are not in a relationship currently, |
| has on your diet, and ultimately, your | | | | this may be even more important to you. You |
| waistline. | | | | may need to watch your diet of films and |
| | | | novels even more carefully because they can |
| -Pay Attention To Your Own Viewing Habits- | | | | affect your important initial choices: who |
| | | | you'll date, how you'll present yourself, and |
| Many people notice, once they think about it, | | | | many other small decisions you'll make along |
| that watching a movie and identifying with a | | | | the way. |
| heroine who was wronged by her lover makes | | | | |
| them feel angry, or sad-almost as if it | | | | I shared these thoughts with a mind-coaching |
| happened to them personally or to a good | | | | client recently and she interesting. She |
| friend. This is especially true when the | | | | became very thoughtful. I watched her face, |
| disloyalty, pain, or hurt is not resolved | | | | and said nothing, letting her sit with her |
| well by the movie's end. | | | | silence. Then she spoke up. |
| | | | |
| While we are engaged in watching, we almost | | | | "Wow. I just thought of a man I was dating |
| live vicariously through the protagonist's | | | | for a few months," she said, "We really felt |
| life. We pick up and integrate borrowed, | | | | connected, then something happened. My sister |
| second-hand emotions that can color our | | | | and her fiancé were coming into town |
| feelings about the love interests in our own | | | | from California, and I wanted him to meet |
| lives. | | | | her. But he had a trip already scheduled with |
| | | | his buddies. He absolutely wouldn't cancel. I |
| -Give Yourself This Simple Test- | | | | got myself so angry and hurt, I broke up with |
| | | | him. Truth was, his trip was scheduled way |
| If you don't belief this, ask yourself: have | | | | before we ever met, his friends were coming |
| I ever felt angry with the man in my life | | | | from all over, and it was hard to coordinate |
| when he hasn't done anything wrong to me? If | | | | eight guys' schedules. He was doing the right |
| the answer is yes, or maybe, ask yourself the | | | | thing. I wasn't." |
| next question: What was I watching or reading | | | | |
| during the week? | | | | And then she explained why she was telling me |
| | | | this story: "This all happened after I saw a |
| Think back carefully: what movies, books, | | | | movie where the guy canceled a crucial |
| news stories, and websites have you paid | | | | business trip to hang out with a woman he |
| attention to recently? What stories have your | | | | just met. I figured that was love." |
| friends or acquaintances shared about their | | | | |
| current relationships or past romances? | | | | -So Now What?- |
| | | | |
| -What To Do- | | | | Continue to enjoy your movies about love and |
| | | | romance. Watch them for entertainment and |
| There is nothing wrong with being affected by | | | | pleasure, and to put yourself and your date |
| what you hear or see, even if it's fictional. | | | | in a warm, romantic, sexy mood. But don't use |
| | | | them as your guide to life. Your own heart |
| Fiction is created by a novelist's or | | | | and mind can do that job a lot better than a |
| screenwriter's view of life. Who would we be | | | | novelist or screenwriter can! ©2007 By |
| without great literature to teach, inspire | | | | Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved. |
| and persuade us? And who would we be if our | | | | |