| I don't usually get too excited about what I read in the | | | | Times bestseller," I explained in exasperation."But it is," |
| news. After all, what can I do about it? But one item I | | | | Ruby Red pointed out."That's not the point," I |
| recently saw made me jump up out of my chair.I | | | | complained. "Their claim implies that my Get Happy |
| rushed over to my clever lawyer's office."Look at this!" | | | | Workbook is somehow inferior because it is not on the |
| I proclaimed as I burst into his office.Clever Lawyer | | | | New York Times bestseller list ... yet.""Um ... your Get |
| said nothing. His client echoed his words with her ruby | | | | Happy Workbook?" Clever Lawyer asked."That's |
| red lips.I placed the newspaper on his desk."Happy | | | | right.""Isn't that an e-book?""Yes it is.""I don't think the |
| Guy, what are you doing here?" he wanted to know. | | | | New York Times lists e-books," Ruby Red noted."It |
| "We don't have a meeting.""Just look at this headline." I | | | | doesn't matter," I insisted. "Top Publisher should be |
| demanded, ignoring his irritating obsession with minute | | | | forced to remove such an offensive claim and to pay |
| details. "We should take action immediately."Slowly, | | | | me damages for thousands of copies of lost |
| Clever Lawyer picked up the newspaper and read the | | | | sales.""But you can't do that," Clever Lawyer |
| headline. His eyes returned to me. "This says that | | | | exclaimed."That's right. You can't do that," Ruby Red |
| Monsanto is suing Oakhurst Dairy for labels on their | | | | repeated."Why not?" I asked."Because their claim is |
| milk reading 'no artificial growth hormones'. What does | | | | just a statement of fact.""So is Oakhurst Dairy's," I |
| that have to do with you?""Don't you see?" I asked | | | | pointed out. "But that doesn't stop Monsanto from |
| incredulously. "Monsanto makes rBST, an artificial | | | | suing them.""But you're not Monsanto," Clever Lawyer |
| hormone for milk cows. It looks like they think the label | | | | explained. "Monsanto is a biotech giant, and biotech |
| on Oakhurst Dairy milk hurts their business because it | | | | companies are always being accused of making |
| implies that milk from their hormone-treated cows is | | | | 'Frankenstein fruit' or 'veggie eunuchs' or other such |
| inferior.""I don't see what it has to do with you," Clever | | | | delicacies.""That's right," Ruby Red joined in. "Even |
| Lawyer said."Yes, I don't see what it has to do with | | | | Viagra couldn't make a man out of one of those |
| you," Ruby Red chimed in."It has everything to do with | | | | cucumbers."We both stared at Ruby Red in surprise. |
| me," I replied. "Look here. See this book about | | | | The color of her face instantly matched the color of |
| happiness? Top Publisher printed 'New York Times | | | | her lips."Look, Monsanto still has to prove its case," |
| Bestseller' right on the cover. Can you believe it?""Oh | | | | Clever lawyer warned. "We have no idea if they will. |
| yeah, I've heard of this book," Clever Lawyer smiled. | | | | You would have to prove your case, too. I have a |
| "It's supposed to be quite good. In fact, I recall seeing it | | | | pretty good idea that you can't, since the New York |
| on the New York Times bestseller list.""Exactly," I | | | | Times does not list e-books.""So, you are saying I |
| exclaimed. "Let's sue Top Publisher for everything he's | | | | should not sue Top Publisher for claiming his book is a |
| got.""Why?" Clever Lawyer wanted to know, much to | | | | New York Times Bestseller," I concluded. "Instead I |
| my surprise."Yes, why?" Ruby Red also wanted to | | | | should sue the New York Times for not naming my |
| know."Because he is claiming his book is a New York | | | | e-book a bestseller? |