| You've arrived just in time! You're here, so I assume | | | | unsure of step number one, refer to the first |
| you're wanting to better yourself and expand your | | | | paragraph, shown above. If you're not confident you |
| mind -- and not through drugs, but through reading. I'm | | | | can find it, simply start reading this article from the |
| so excited for you! I'll do the best I can to help you buy | | | | beginning and you will shortly find the answer you're |
| your Dummy Book, and I'll be extra careful to use | | | | looking for. After you have completed step one and |
| simple words and letters from the alphabet.The first | | | | are at the bookstore, look for a book with a word in |
| thing you have to do is decide on what you'd like to | | | | the title that matches the word in your mind. For |
| learn about. It's an important first step in choosing your | | | | example, if you would like to learn about knitting, do not |
| Dummy Book. If you go into a store, secure in the | | | | take the book Italian for Dummies. If you would like to |
| knowledge that you already know what you'd like to | | | | learn personal financing, pick out Personal Financing for |
| learn about, it will give you a feeling of confidence. | | | | Dummies and not The Bible for Dummies. If you're |
| You'll be able to pick out a book in under fifteen | | | | having trouble reading the title, I strongly suggest |
| minutes, lift it off the shelf with your right or left hand, | | | | looking for something with the letters E-N-G-L-I-S-H in |
| walk over to the checkout stand, reach for your wallet, | | | | the title.The last thing to remember is also important: |
| pull money out of your wallet, pay for the book, and | | | | Make sure the book you're buying is a For Dummies |
| then walk out, insert your key into the lock of your car, | | | | book. Do not purchase Moby Dick, a Spider-Man comic |
| then into the ignition, then drive out of the parking lot, | | | | book, or a coffee cup. I know this may all seem very |
| take a left turn, right turn, go straight for three miles, | | | | confusing, but if you're still wallowing in self-doubt, don't |
| then another right turn, stopping when you see red | | | | be afraid to ask a trusted friend or family member for |
| lights, and continuing when you see green. Keep in | | | | help.-- |
| mind these directions will not apply to everyone. If | | | | Andy Alt |
| you're unsure of how to get home, ask a friend or a | | | | Mental Dimensions |
| neighbor. There is also a book available to help you -- | | | | |
| Yellow Lights for Dummies.The second key factor in | | | | A humor column for people who enjoy observational |
| purchasing a Dummy Book is that it should match the | | | | humor, political farce, comedy editorials, satire and |
| subject you decided upon in step number one. If you're | | | | spoof, along with an occasional dose of non humor. |